Is Your ”Narcopath” Ex As Happy With The New Woman As He Appears On Facebook?

An excellent article posted by Bree Bonchay, LCSW, on Relationshipedia reminds me of a song I wrote years ago about the pain of seeing my “narcopathic” ex with his new girlfriend within a week of our breakup. I didn’t know anything at the time about Narcissistic or Sociopathic Personality types, and I was very confused and deeply hurt by the inhuman way he went from being madly in love with me, to hating me and being madly in love with someone else, almost overnight.

I believed him when he said the problems in our relationship were my fault. He said I was too needy, too sensitive, too emotional, and too “crazy.” They were the same hateful words my mother had used when I was a child, so those soul-killing words were all too familiar. My abusive childhood had “groomed” me for abusive adult relationships. I was the perfect target for bullies, users, cheaters and abusers: shy, insecure, unsure of myself, and desperately eager to please.

Each failed relationship left me even more broken, needy, and insecure than I was before — which meant that I was even less capable of attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship.

The lyrics of the song I wrote fifteen years ago illustrate how confused and devastated I felt. I was starved for love and believed I was not worthy of love, which is why I bought into the lie that the narcopath’s new girlfriend was everything I wasn’t.

diner

Here are the words to my song, Heartbreak Diner:

I drive past the diner, I look in and see them
Sitting at the table where we used to be
Alone in the dark night I make my way homeward
Feeling like a fool for just needing to see

Where did our love go, tell me how did this happen
Nothing makes sense anymore
My friend says come over, I’ll make you forget him
My head wants to try but my heart won’t let go

Did I ever know you, you seem like a stranger
Aloof and uncaring, unwilling to try
You and your friends have joined forces to blame me
I have nothing left now, not even my pride

As I drive past the dinner, I look in and see them
Sitting at the table where we used to be
Alone in the dark night I make my way homeward
Feeling like a fool for just needing to see.

~ ~ ~

The following is an excerpt from the article that inspired me to write this post:

Is The Narcopath As Happy With The New Woman As He Appears On Facebook?

couple

So you think the narcopath is happier with the new woman? You couldn’t resist the urge to cyber-peak or muster the strength to block him and now your Facebook feed is bombarded with shiny, happy couple photos of him and his new target looking oh so happily in love. Before you jump to conclusions, I want you to imagine a photograph of the typical, happy vacationing couple who have been together for only a short 4 months. Think of the cliché “ussie” type couple photo on a tropical white sandy beach with the ocean in the background that you have seen posted on Facebook a million times. Everyone who sees the picture while scrolling through their news feed believes, “oh, what a happy little vacationing couple they are”. “Those two are so cute together”. “They make such a great couple”.

In fact, those comments are the very sentiments that were echoed beneath the actual picture I am describing. None of the commenters suspected that the smiley-faced woman was knee-deep in devaluation. Not even the woman herself. At the time the photo was taken, there was still more positive than negative in the relationship, but it would not stay that way for long.

I am going to tell you something that you probably already know in your heart but because the narcopath’s residual brainwash still lingers in your mind like slime and stays trapped there by the social media images partly aimed to taunt you, you may feel a little comfort from this reminder.

I hear so many heartbreaking stories from survivors of narcissistic abuse describing how they were abruptly discarded only to see their ex turn up on Fakebook days or weeks later with a new a target going to the restaurants they used to frequent or on the vacations that they had planned together. One woman described feeling like she had been filleted like a fish while watching her ex get engaged, married and buy a new house with his new target all within a span of 6 months.

So many survivors are left wondering, “maybe it was all my fault?”. “Maybe I wasn’t good enough? “It sure looks like he finally found someone who is able to fulfill all his needs and make him happy?” It’s easy to arrive at this faulty assumption when the narcopath and his new target are posting tons of happy, lovey-dovey pictures of relationship bliss all over social media.

Disclaimer: People’s lives aren’t always what they post!

Don’t get caught in this cyber-crap-trap. A leopard never changes his spots. A person doesn’t jump from one relationship into another, without taking a minute’s worth of self-reflection, and become a completely different person overnight. It just doesn’t happen! Ever! Especially when that person is a narcopath!

The only thing that has changed about your ex is his target. A target who is completely unaware of his faults, mind games and manipulations. She doesn’t realize what she is getting herself into…yet……..

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*Click or tap HERE to read the rest of Bree’s informative article. Comments are disabled here, please visit the original blog.*

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About Lynda Lee

Lynda Lee is my pen name. I am a former nurse, a Mensa member, and a writer, diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by extreme trauma and narcissistic abuse. Formerly agnostic, I am now a Christian. My husband, a USMC Vietnam War Veteran and a Chaplain, has PTSD caused by combat. We've come a long way on our healing journey and we still have a ways to go. We put the FUN in dysfunctional. :-)
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